"Hi! I'm Illinois Jones, firstborn of two, three years before my darling sister Michigan. You could say I was born the wild one - my parents always said I screamed louder when I was born, but maybe that's because they knew what to expect. (I tried to give the warning cry for them not to have any more children - just kidding, Michi!) I'm nineteen, and studying with Michigan at uni. I'm taking Creative Writing and Business Studies, so that I can pen books if my dream job doesn't work. Genius, right? Right? You're supposed to agree with me, damnit, you're as bad as Michi!"
"Yeah, so, as I was saying - I was born first - 17th of February. Seventeen years ago, because I can't be bothered to do the counting. If you really want to know, stop being lazy and calculate it yourself. If you were to call me a hypocrite right now, I wouldn't disagree with you, hahaha! How evil am I? Yet again, that requires a response! Do I need to school you, too?"
"So, like, I would never ever eat a freaking brussel sprout - they'd try mushing it into my baby food, but it made it taste horrendous, so I'd always spit it in their faces. That's why I was a terrible little babe, throwing tantrums, crying and screaming, spitting out food and pooing in my nappy. But doesn't every child do that? Can they blame me? They did it! When you gotta go, you just gotta go!"
"Three years later my younger sister Michi was born. She was worse with the nappy, but I was the louder screamer. We'd gone to Michigan to see family, so she was born in a Lansing hospital, like I was born in a Chicago hospital. The Windy City is nice, because I was born there and I'm awesome. We live in NYC usually, our family, but our parents love to travel. Michigan and I always said, we'll have little twin sisters, Cali and Utah, soon enough. It would be in keeping with their habits."
"We were close from the start, really. Little rascals right from the get go. When she was five, I used to sneak into the nursery garden and play with her. I was always caught, because I was older and louder, but it was always worth it. I was protective,that was all, and who could blame me for not trusting the nasty monster teachers, right? I would moan when they took me back to the class and I was chastised - nursery children got to play, and I had to do sucky arithmetics and comprehension - totally unfair. I practically led a revolt about it."
"So, as we grew our antics got worse, especially at home. Our grandmother disapproved, but our grandfather loved it. At age eleven we knocked over Dad's motorbike, at twelve it was putting pink food colouring in the swimming pool. But we took our studies seriously as we grew, but never quite losing the mischievous streak, or the crazy one; movie marathons, giggling, playing pranks - we never really grew out of it. It still happens, now, at uni - with our new friend. Andrew."
"I'm vibrant, that's something that so many people like to observe about my persona. I'm bright, happy and crazy - always up for a party or a challenge. I'm a tad bit irritating, according to Michi - that's a bit rich coming from her, but I don't care. She's my sister and I care what she thinks, but Illinois the flirty party animal is here to stay, thank-you. She says I'll hit on anything that moves, but that's not true, I swear. I am a fangirl and almost annoyingly optimistic, encouraging people to see the rainbow - Michi says I see the rainbow because I'm either drunk or high all the time, but I'm not. It's just in my nature - I love to play pranks and can come off as arrogant by accident. I can do the flirty wallflower facade, but that comes out when somebody resists my innate natural, mischievous charm."
"Ooh, Andrew! The hot British guy! My - never mind, hahahhah, you heard nothing just then, yeah, he's my friend, and I - never mind. Can I stop talking about him now, I'm going red and I think it's a fever. I'm going to the doctors. Byeeee!"
"MICCHIIIII. Michi is a darling, she's my sister and omigosh I love her. She's amazing and she's my sidekick - sorry Michi, but it's true. I'm obviously the hero because I'm older. She's my fangirl friend and my prankster pal...and my sister."